Carnivore

I've written you
again and again
I've gone against
the grain
and managed
to come out
the other side
mostly intact
I find that I'm
still pulling pieces
of myself
from out between
your teeth
Surprised
by all the ways
that you've made
me bleed



- November 2018

The Wild

I'm in 
the wild
It feels
oddly freeing
I've never
tried it on
quite like
this before
I'm feeling
each piece
as it rests against
my flesh
Some things
sting
and make me 
bleed
and I allow 
myself to feel
each drip
like its purpose
will be known
any second
Some things
make me dance
and shine
and for those
I hold no question
I allow myself
to bask
in the glow
like there's no
other reason
to breathe
except to feel
this warmth
and light
as I make
my body move
to rhythms
only I can invent
The wild
It does make me
smile
Even through
the stings
For it's
the sting that
reminds me
I'm alive




- November 2018 / May 2019

Solo Trip

I've been here
before
I've seen
all the signs
There's no need
to break me
I've been doing that
on my own
Too afraid of
letting go
But you take my
ripe round heart
You squeeze it
with just one hand
Before I hit
the ground
I find
there is no
soft place
to land
Then you tell me
that you're no
airplane
and I'm not your
landing strip
Then what
the hell
am I doing on
this lonely
solo trip



- April 2017

Your Beat And Mine

Let it all
fall away
Nothing left
but your beat
and mine



-August 2018

Cookie-Cutter Dream

The cookie-cutter
dream
pressed deep
into my
heart
It's left a
hole
in the shape
of you
It tastes
sometimes
bitter
sometimes
sweet


- October 2018

New Year's Eve

What will I 
bring in
What will I
let go
Each question
swims in my mind
It feels like
I take
deeper breaths
these days
There's a clock
on the wall
that doesn't
speak to me
in time
It speaks to me
in weight
And I keep
saying
that I can't
carry anymore
but the clock
has noise-cancelling
headphones on
and I find
that I'm
yelling
into the void
I've had
to learn how
to turn
my voice
inward
and soothe 
each piece
of rawness
It's okay
It's okay
These words
made the salt water
drip free in a way
it hasn't done
for the last 
hundred years
Each time
it happens
the heaviness
doesn't feel quite
so heavy
It's just light enough
so that I don't 
actually lose
my mind
like those 
I've held so dear
Yes, this year
has bittered
my tongue
At times it's felt
like I've lost
so much
and gained
so little
But I know
that the opposite
is also true
I've tasted
a sweetness
I never knew
existed here
A strength
A truth
that keeps me 
pushing through
it all
Because after all
of the bitterness
my tongue
has soaked in
It's the sweet juice
that runs through
my mouth
that keeps
my heart
from hardening



- December 2018

My Place

There's a truth here
The here that lies in wait
In wait of the sun
In wait of the moon
In wait of the way the tide
keeps me in this space
The space that feels 
light and heavy
at the same time
Like the way the wind
shakes the trees
The way the birds glide
through the skies
I held your gravity that way once
I've nestled myself
in the crevice of your warmth
And the absence of you
has left me feeling like I've broken
against a new dawn
A new day and time
And things keep feeling
so strange here
Yet in a way 
I feel that I've found
my place
for the very first time



- December 2018

In The Glow

I want to lick
the sun
Take my hand
and come
dance
with me
in the glow
Let's balance
on the beams
Feel the
warm light
Let me be
your gravity


- October 2018

Strong Enough

I've let
my hands
untangle
themselves
I've let
them rest
in the river
Felt
the water
tickle my
hands
I close
my eyes
and let these
moments
sink in
The moments
when I know
I'm strong
enough
to move
through
anything


-November 2018

Uncovering

I'm yearning
to know
these parts
of myself
I never knew
existed



- October 2018

My Beating Heart

Give me space

I say to my heart

Only I have the eyes

to see what I need

Only I have the mouth

that can call for
the things I crave

You can watch me drift

if that’s what you see

But I know
that I’m not drifting
aimlessly

There's a purpose
in my direction
Even if no one 
can see the patterns
in my wake
I know the things
I need
The things
I crave
It's up to me
to be open
For the sake
of my own
beating heart



-August 2018

Soothing

You make
the wild spoons
lay softly
against
the linen
Like cool drops
of rain



- October 2018

Rusted Stilts

Your rusted stilts
were born to break
You keep your heart tied
to the ones that shake
Will you ever wake
When all the dreams
turn into dust
You lose the face
you wanted to trust
Are you just like him
Waiting on the wall
not ready to swim
And you can't give in
I thought I had
a hold of your heart
I watched you bleed
right from the start
And it looked like art
Now the splinters
have dug themselves in
You thought having me
meant that you win
Now you drip with sin
I can't drink
the tears you don't cry
I just watch as the years
fly by and by and by



-April 2017

This Wave

This wave
is beating me
Like a rabid
salty knife


- October 2018

Each Step

I still want to lick you
like honey
Even when my heart hurts
and it's hard to breathe
I can feel the change come
with the wind
How it blows across
my face
and twirls in my hair
I want to close my eyes
and dance each step
So close
So tight



-February 2018

My Own Beat

You can't
burn me out
I refuse
to hand over
that power
The power
that only I
can wield
so truly
You have
no say 
in the things
that make
me dance
I've found
my own beat
My own rhythm
that does not
belong to you



-September 2018

The Net

I get caught up in it

The net

The struggle

The shackles that bind

The enormity

It fills up my insides

like silver bullets

waiting to ring

I often find

it's getting harder
to breathe

It drowns me

with little subtlety
or tracks to trace

Just a lingering layer
as thick

as the thickest
fruit rind
Maybe I'll plant
the seeds
and wait to see
what grows there

-August 2017

My Belonging

I'm not waiting
for someone
to break me open
I've done that
on my own
I've suffered quietly
without the light
from the sun, the stars
or the moon
No hand held me
while I cried
No hand consoled me
while I writhed
No lips danced
in time with mine
while the clouds
ran and dripped
as if the growth
of everything
depended on its moisture
Yet I have made
my own hands bleed
in search of a home
that did not exist
All the places I've known
have been boarded up
Shackled and shrouded
in darkness of its own
But I felt the flicker
of a flame
that burned 
from deep within
I've held the mirror
Examined each part
I've held myself
Consoled myself
Kissed myself
and let the warmth
spread through me
like it's known
this path all along
I've returned home
to myself
My heart
My truth
My true belonging



-September 2018

Static

I'm beginning to lose
your beat
The electricity
has turned to static
instead of heat
And it feels like
you have your back
against a wall
Would you even care
if my next fall
wasn't for you at all
I can feel
the question loom
not too high
above the room
where the smoke
never clears
As we breathe in deep
this empty space
is starting to seep
I've been mending
the hardening
of my heart
But those flowers
that once loved
to bloom
have already begun
to fall apart



-January/September 2018

Masks

I've been
wearing masks
that don't
belong to me
I've been playing
a little
make-believe
I've spent
so much time
in the corners
of my mind
Gathering
all this strength
I never knew
was mine



- July 2017 / July 2018