New Year's Eve

What will I 
bring in
What will I
let go
Each question
swims in my mind
It feels like
I take
deeper breaths
these days
There's a clock
on the wall
that doesn't
speak to me
in time
It speaks to me
in weight
And I keep
saying
that I can't
carry anymore
but the clock
has noise-cancelling
headphones on
and I find
that I'm
yelling
into the void
I've had
to learn how
to turn
my voice
inward
and soothe 
each piece
of rawness
It's okay
It's okay
These words
made the salt water
drip free in a way
it hasn't done
for the last 
hundred years
Each time
it happens
the heaviness
doesn't feel quite
so heavy
It's just light enough
so that I don't 
actually lose
my mind
like those 
I've held so dear
Yes, this year
has bittered
my tongue
At times it's felt
like I've lost
so much
and gained
so little
But I know
that the opposite
is also true
I've tasted
a sweetness
I never knew
existed here
A strength
A truth
that keeps me 
pushing through
it all
Because after all
of the bitterness
my tongue
has soaked in
It's the sweet juice
that runs through
my mouth
that keeps
my heart
from hardening



- December 2018

My Place

There's a truth here
The here that lies in wait
In wait of the sun
In wait of the moon
In wait of the way the tide
keeps me in this space
The space that feels 
light and heavy
at the same time
Like the way the wind
shakes the trees
The way the birds glide
through the skies
I held your gravity that way once
I've nestled myself
in the crevice of your warmth
And the absence of you
has left me feeling like I've broken
against a new dawn
A new day and time
And things keep feeling
so strange here
Yet in a way 
I feel that I've found
my place
for the very first time



- December 2018